Spouse tried I didn't, now opposite

[PatientMan]

Thank you pm, and I know you're right. My life has always been self centered and the new feelings are so emotionally strong its difficult to detach. My kids are so loving and affectionate it's horrible to have the memories of how I treated them always swirling in my head.

That can be a good thing early on in your process of change as a piercing reminder of how you need to conduct yourself as a father and as you develop new habits. In time, with work, the intensity of that will fade.

The impulse to make up for being such a monster of a H is my greatest hurdle. W has no reason to try and I know that. Destroying such a beautiful and amazing woman kills me inside.

You can't give her what she refuses to receive. The best two ways you can make it up to her right now are to:

1) Respect her wishes for time and space. Respect is important - it shows you are listening and you care about what SHE wants.
2) Work on yourself and making these changes permanent. Focusing on yourself helps you deal with the pain and with becoming the best version of yourself possible. Take an honest inventory of yourself. Learn the things you like about yourself and be sure to keep them. Learn the things you DON'T like about yourself and put in the work to remedy them. Figure who YOU want to be, and diligently work to become that person. And don't let anyone or anything get in your way.

Please clarify if you've finished the DR book.

Thanks,

-PM