Spouse tried I didn't, now opposite

[whytry]

Cadet, I really can't believe my mlc is completely over. I still catch myself hurting inside. This forum has helped me understand myself better. I haven't found any answer anywhere that says anyone is 100% cured. I wish there was. I fought tooth and nail against my W when she desperately tried to explain it to me. I kinda compare it to how michelle says if it took you 16 years to ruin my marriage then it'll take a long time to fix. I think I can make progress and see improvements but it's gunna take a longwhile if ever. What I see is how I handle my issues differently. Instead of anger towards W and children I funnel it to productive tasks. I'm happiest doing dishes, clothes, or cooking cuz i can repeat verses and feel the tension subside. I really wish I had a better answer but thelast few months has been new to me and I read/study anything I can get my hands on. The counseling helps also but encouragement from all of you has really helped me focus about what and who is important and why I have always had feelings for my W and family but never verbally said, emotionally shown, or gave actions proving. When my W hurts I hurt, before I just ignored her. When my kids struggle I feel pain, before I would walk away from them. Now I feel self value jumping in to help kids. If possible I give W support or disengage when she needs space. I know I'm the cause of their pain and that fact alone haunts me.