Up, you are overwhelming yourself with this. Just think of one day at a time. Keep marching forward. Focus on you and your kids. Go as dim as you can - remember how much better you felt last time you did?
You are not cutting him off to get him to come back - you are cutting him off (from you, not the kids) so that you can focus on you, and he can take care of himself - that is not your job or concern right now.
You most certainly DO have the strength to do this. Prove yourself wrong, one day at a time.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14