Wants to leave again after a month!!!

[DFE]

I haven't posted in a while. Not sure what I want anymore. I am so tired of this limbo and have told H to proceed as he sees fit. We have been going back and forth about the separation agreement. He wants the kids 50/50 which I am having trouble accepting. I don't want them bounced back and forth between homes at such a young age.

He wants us to either continue running the business together or one of us buying the other out. I just don't see how I can run a business with him and be divorced. I also know that if either of us leaves the business it will have a huge impact on the business but I just don't see how we can continue to work together yet move on. How can I heal and cut the cord when we are still working together?

Looking back I do see where he came back with a good attitude. He had made some changes but I think he expected us to go back to where we were when we met 20 years ago as soon as he came back. When he didn't see the spark he got scared that it would never come back. I wish I had tried harder and focused more on US rather than hanging out as a family. I was trying to go slow and let things develop slowly.

In hindsight he seemed to be in a rush. We had sex the first week he was back and when it wasn't spectacular that put doubts in his mind that we could ever get the spark back. Despite everything we have been through I wish I had another chance to make this right. I don't believe in divorce and not only will it impact our family it will have a huge impact on our business. Why can't I just drop the rope? I am disappointed in myself for not giving up. And why oh why do I still love him deep down inside? I can say I am not in love with him but I do love the man despite all the hurt he has caused me.