Hi scooby, I'm no expert but I can tell you this, NOTHING you could have done or not done would have stopped your H's MLC! How do I know this? It's been 10 almost 11 months since B-day for me. At the start my W had a list of all the things about me that made me such a "bad" husband. Most were only in her head (she accused me of things that I never even thought of doing!)but some were things I could "fix". As I changed these things about myself all that happened was she would come up with NEW things (got so bad at one point she told me she hated the way I chew my food so has to divorce me!)or I heard the old "I shouldn't have had to tell you I wanted a divorce for you to change", even though I had no idea she was upset about any of these things!
Believe me it took me 6 months before I understood that none of this is about me! They don't like WHO THEY ARE!They are in pain and lashing out at the person who they see as in their way of their happiness...you. Also, try not to figure out "where" they are in their stages. I also did this for a long time (still do sometimes) and it's impossible. Just when you think they are coming out of, say, "replay", something will happen and you see they are nowhere near out of it yet!
At one point last Dec. my W actually wanted to be intimate with me! Out of the blue but welcome. A week later she is de-inviting me to her company X-Mass parties, wearing her sexyist clothes and coming back with stories about how she was dancing the night away with OM!Not even close to being finished with replay!Not only weren't things any better, they were worse!
Looking back I can see that her MLC started years before B-Day. The pulling away from and the kids, the going out with all her new "friends". They say B-Day comes about 1/2 way through so at best I have years before the end.You, like me,need to stop and try to stop spinning. While there is nothing we can do to make this go faster, we sure as heck can slow things down (another thing I learned the hard way!).
Hang in there scooby. You will get through this and will be better for it. I know that's hard to see now but things will get better, no matter what happens!
