Thanks cat, I do get your points and they are valid. The first part of your post though, when I say my world got smaller after she first was depressed, that's because of the added responsibility I had. Because of the fact that I was now pretty much a single parent because she was always too tired, I lost touch with friends as I no longer had time for them. Not that because she was unhappy, I was. Having a depressed S means you can no longer count on them to do their part. I had to take care of two young girls, 4 dogs, a house, make a living, etc. This left little time for "fun" or outside relationships. This is what I meant by my world becoming "smaller". Someone had to do these things and I was the only one available. I wasn't going to let my kids suffer any more than they already were due to the fact that their mother was "absent" or angry or crying over something only she knew what.
For the first 6 months after B-day, all I did was try and "fix" the things about myself that my wife was saying were the things that bothered her about me and our marriage. As each one of those things fell away, she came up with new ones. Or said "I shouldn't have had to ask for a divorce for you to change. It's too late". This was when I realized it wasn't about me or our marriage. Sure, no marriage is perfect. No S is perfect. We're human, we make mistakes. Mine was trying to get my wife to engage with me and the kids again and couldn't understand why she had no interest in us.
I know there are many things about myself I need to work on. I'm doing that and making progress. My wife picked the worse time in my life she could to go thru this (I understand, she didn't actually choose to go thru this don't get me wrong) the company I had worked for for 10+ years closed without warning. I had just had a vasectomy I didn't want after she assured me she had zero thoughts of divorce. I had just started a new company knowing it would take all I had to make it work and I would need her help to make it. Then came B-day! A big part of my anger comes from this timing.
I'm trying to remember my W is in pain. She is just trying to make that pain go away but the awful things she says and does "feel" so personal at times but I'm learning how to let it go better every day. Thanks cat. I appreciate your post.
