WAW...Again

[stumps]

Well, another nice night with W. She came home from work and after dinner we threw the football around in the yard with the kids, watched a little tv with them and then put them to bed. Afterward we built a fire in the firepit and hung out talking (no R talk) and listening to music for a couple of hours. W mentioned that her friend (F) who had come over the night before told W that she had a really great time spending time with us. I told W that I had really enjoyed F coming over as well, and (major 180 for me) that she should feel free to come over any time she wants. After the firepit we came in and watched tv in bed for a little bit and then called it a night.

I am noticing small...twinges...of resentment/negativity within myself over the lack of physical affection. MUST keep a grip on that. Physical touch/affection is my LL and I'm am really feeling the lack of it...especially since it's in such stark contrast to how well W and I are getting along. Plus, it's not like W has become modest around me all of a sudden...it's hard not to get turned on, but I've been doing a good job of keeping that under wraps. But it is creeping in mentally. I need to make sure I don't start pushing for any type of physical intimacy, and I need to be vigilant in making sure any of my "unmet needs" don't start expressing themselves negatively in some other way. No hostility, no resentment... but d@mn my W looks good.

I can say this for sure, if I can keep up MY current behavior...the 180s and GALs that I've been doing for the past month...if I can keep them up indefinitely moving forward into the future, W will truly be abandoning something good. Something special. Even a couple of the neighbors who have seen us together recently have remarked that we seem like two peas in a pod going through something like a second honeymoon period.

I think the best I can do is to keep up my current efforts. If W doesn't change her mind (and I have to assume she hasn't/won't right up until she says differently) and chooses to leave anyway, then at least I know I did everything I could for myself, the kids, her, and our marriage. At least I know I've given her something good to miss. If she leaves, then I go dim/dark and continue my efforts for myself and our kids.