The difference here, is that you feel attacked, and all I am doing, is trying to get a more clear picture of your history...
We only know, what you have shared. So we are only hearing your side of things. There are usually 3 sides to every story. There is yours, hers, and somewhere in the middle, is where the truth lies....
Right now, you are what I would call, the Martyr stage of this. You are seeing only the good things, and you will defend them to the death. You are still wearing the rose colored glasses that everything was perfect. And ya know ? That is fine for now.
You have been charged with all of the bad in the relationship lately, and you are fighting like mad to remember the good too. It is normal for this to happen, especially early on.
What you read from me probably made you angry, like you felt that burn go up the back of your neck, like I was attacking you. Probably thought to yourself, how dare he say that, or maybe even....how did he know that ?
Like AJ and Cat have said...we have ALL been there...
We have all worn similar shoes as you are wearing now. Heard the same things, felt the same feelings, thought the same thoughts.....
I too, married a girl that was against Divorce, was a wonderful Mother, and said I was a wonderful Husband...
Right until she changed her mind about it all...
Did I blame her for this ???
Absolutely...
Did I blame her MLC ???
Her Father for dying on her when she was young ???
Her Mother for being absent after that because she was dealing with her own grief ???
Absolutely I did...
What I failed to do, was to be honest about things, and really take a look at my role in this.
You say that you supported her, and I really believe that you did...
Yet I really feel that you probably supported her the way that YOU wanted to support her, and not in the way that she needed support....
And that is a fairly common occurrence in most relationships...
We lose track of what is real, and we act on perception. We lose communication, and we THINK that we know what or spouse is saying to us.
That anger, or burn up your neck ???
When that happens, those are the things that you do not like about yourself. Those are the things that you should look at really close, and decide if you really like about yourself...
And yes, you should study about depression, you should learn about MLC, and you should read all that you can to help you through this...
Yet you learn about it for YOUR benefit, and YOUR knowledge, not to teach her anything, or try to fix anything...
IF your spouse is really MLC....
Then this is a LOOOOONGGGG road for you. Nothing started overnight, and it will not end overnight.
This is a process for you, as well as it is for her....
You are gonna have to pace yourself for this marathon if you plan to make it out the other side in tact....
And you are really gonna have to develop some thicker skin on you...
If I can fire you up that much, I can't imagine what your pretty little MLCer will do to you, once the real venom starts flowing from her....
