I can't argue with a thing that you are saying, Sandi. Not a word of it. You are completely right...as is everyone else telling me that I need to get out of the "keep xw happy" business. Like I said, I always felt if she was happy with me, got to know me again, she would want to come back eventually. So I HAVE gone out of my way to keep her happy. There has been so much that I have done or tolerated just to keep the peace.....hoping, praying that she would see me differently. It is clear to me now that it just doesn't work and I have probably neglected myself in the process. You are right...I have been held captive by my urge to please her, when there is no way I can. I am still awestruck that she blamed me for S having hard transitions....that over a year ago she blamed me for her legal debt. I am the easiest target and the one that gives her the ability to NOT have to look at herself as a root cause for anything....and I have fed this monster.
I seriously do not have any desire to speak with her at all. Not even for "business" things. Seeing her pop up in my inbox makes me cringe right now. I just want to tell her to leave me alone and let that be that.
Yes, it DOES feel counterintuitive - every bit as much as acting "as if" and other stuff did. But honestly, what I have done thus far has lead to nothing but the literal EXACT OPPOSITE of what I wanted. We are more distant than ever and she is with OM. That should be all the proof I need, really.
Her alimony ends at the end of next month. Slashing her income by $1,000 a month - that's a pretty big hit for someone living on a high school guidance counselors salary and I suspect it will change her life to some degree assuming she has not saved any of the money. Interested in seeing how that works out. Makes me wonder if OM is a survival tactic and if they signed a lease together. She moves in 7 days....if she is moving my S into a home with another man I would hope she would tell me by now. Though I figure nothing would shock me too much now.
