Crimson....waiting for goodness to happen.

[sandi2]

I know she will say "See!! It was all an act! This is who you really are!".

So what? Will that make it true? This very thought has been the main thing that has prevented you from doing what you could have done from the day she announced she wanted a D. You have allowed this to controll your life. I do not see it as being healthy.

You will never be able to be perfect enough for her satisfactory. There, I said it. You are so hell bent in living as sort of whipping boy trying to get her to see how much you've changed. I have NEVER seen another member have as many people trying to convince him what a great guy he is.....like I have seen people post to you. But you want to argue! Why? B/c there is only one person you are trying to please.........and she is not going to do it, Crimson. It is not going to happen.

I just want to shake you when you get in to one of these dark pits and blame everything on yourself. Instead of releasing yourself to really have a decent life, you CHOOSE to beat yourself down in the ground. You can just do so much, then it is up to her. She has decided she doesn't want a M with you, b/c of reasons only she knows. But as long as you agree to be her scapegoat.........she will continue to blame all her problems on you. And why wouldn't she? You have not forced her to experience what a life without could be. She doesn't even know the true side of D! And as long as you choose to daily crucify yourself out of the name of being goodness & kindness for HER........your life will not be happy and she will continue to take advantage.

Of course it "doesn't feel right". You have always said that. Have you ever heard how DBing is counterintuitive?

Frankly, I don't see the point in sending her pictures and "updates". She can't go a few days without a picture! It's called living the divorced life. But then, I suppose she's never had to, has she? Now she has OM and she thinks everything will continue on except she'll have two men instead of just one.

So yeah, I would definitely stop the updates & pictures. It doesn't make you a bad person. But it can help you to move forward. Don't send a letter explaining your feelings or anything, b/c it will do no good. It won't help what she want to feel about you. You must stop making this all about pleasing her. You will never detach as long as you keep doing this.

You don't have an urge to talk to her now, so what better time to make a clean break?
What better time to redirect your thinking pattern and start planning your life without her? Get out and start living again. Fill your time. Start doing new things.

But most of all, retrain your brain. And when you have those thoughts of what she may say or think about you.........tell yourself, "Who cares what she thinks? I know who and what I am! I am no longer living my life trying to change her opinion about me."