I am feeling quite sad. Vacuumed again, unbidden (W makes daily work list for s20, and sometimes would do the same for me). No walks or activities with kids today. W made dinner. At least she accepted that I made lunch. During my 2 hour business teleconference tonight, w and d16 were together, sitting next to each other in bed, watching something on youtube, chatting, s20 playing a videogame.
So if I don't improve my R with d16, I suppose I should just pay what is needed, be friendly, not expect anything, and go have fun with others. I hardly see d16, W walks with her to and from train, disappears upstairs with her after dinner. I feel like I can't relate or attract her well, and any time is just lost. It'd be easier to just give up and not count her as a loss. Does my child owe me anything? I'd like to think not.
At least s20 has said yes to the (delayed) Sicily trip, this coming Christmas vacation.
Am thinking of telling d16 where her fancy new laptop is hidden in my room while I am in the US, giving her a 'magic', unexpected present. She's mentioned a few times that she would like one, but is first expecting it when I return.
Is journaling a good outlet for sadness like this?
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
