Thanks Wonka. You having been thru your own MLC really helps us get a better view of what's up with the MLC S. The thing is, I'm really understanding that she needs the pain to stop. I tried so hard to be there for her when she was depressed, I thought of it like any other illness, I wouldn't leave her if she had cancer or be angry because of the way she dealt with it, why would I do that with her depression. When she has been most open she has told me she is just so afraid of withdrawing into herself again. If she is in control of every part of her life, like before she was married (and no kids)maybe she can avoid going "dark". That she is afraid I will "allow" her to withdraw by being there for her to take up the slack. Another way to blame something outside of herself I suppose but eye opening.
I know she is confused and looking for direction. There are times when I know even she isn't sure it is me that is the problem but she must try changing her life and said "divorcing you is the biggest change I can think of". I know she looks so hard for reasons that I am the cause and if you look hard enough, you can always find bad, no matter how much good is there as well. I'm sure like I feel with my W, Mrs. Wonka probably saw your pain and wanted it to stop as much as you did at the time. My W has said she tried so many things, being a mother full time, going back to work, losing weight, etc. and nothing helped her feel better, now she wants to see if being on her own is what will work.
It would be easier if that didn't mean so much pain for so many others like our kids. If only she could take the freedom and space I have tried so hard to give her and not have to run away and leave it all behind totally before she looked inward. I guess as I've given her more and more space and still she isn't "happy" she needs to cut the final ties before she will look for another reason and that is sad. I know I can't fix her, really and I have stopped trying. All I can do now is keep faith that, in the end, my W will come out of this whole and integrated, minus the pain and depression. Hopefully then we can have a life together that is better than the one we would have had if she hadn't go through the process.
Thanks for taking the time to post. It's appreciated!
