thanks Sandi! I'm in pretty decent shape physically, but hadn't been working out for a year or so until the BOMB - I've been in the gym almost every day since!
Stick with it. Your W won't give a rip, but it'll make you feel better about yourself and right now that's what you need more than anything else.
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I think the lack of attraction could be caused by the bickering. She holds grudges, then doesn't want to be with me because she's still dwelling on that. I have messed up a few times in the past, after being fed up with being turned down for sex. One time I mentioned an Open Marriage, but have never really wanted one. But my LL is Physical Touch, I need it, and not just sex. Another time, after repeatedly being turned down over the course of several weeks, I said "fine, I'm never going to ask for it again". She apparently really took this personally, though she knows I desire her sexually, a lot.
Wow, sounds like you have some pretty serious passive/ aggressive tendencies. I think you're seeing this as her taking that last comment personally when she is probably reacting to your whole passive/ aggressive nature.
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you wrote "It just seems it should be more complex than the reasons she gave. A mother of three kids suddenly announcing she wants a D? Does she have some great job that she doesn't need to worry about finances? ". I agree, that's why I've wondered about depression, or at least lack of fulfillment.
There is only one thing you can work on- YOU. Quit trying to diagnose her, it just takes your focus off of YOU and YOUR problems and makes the assumption that everything happened because she is "sick". If you don't change she will NEVER come back. Changing is the most important part of DB'ing, without it you don't grow and your spouse doesn't ever look back. She doesn't want to go back to the same old M. You have to show her a new you and entice her into a NEW marriage with the new you.
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I don't think she's thought it thru at all, and this is a mother who is 100% about her kids. Shared custody would mean I have them, and she doesn't, about half the time.
She will make whatever sacrifices she feels she needs to make to get out of what she perceives as a terrible marriage. Chances are slim that she will stay for the kids' sake.
