I'm seeing an IC weekly at the moment which helps - I think lack of sleep was at the root, I was trying to do way too much on my own and really struggling due to poor health, kids not sleeping well and so there was nothing left for me (both physically & mentally) and I ran myself into the ground. I ignored the warning signs because of my pride - I need to ask for help & I've learnt that now.
I've been doing so so well in myself and have learnt so much about myself it's amazing, I'm getting to the bottom of why i feel the way I do and why certain circumstances or situations really upset me (my own fears etc) and trying to tackle those bit by bit. I'm much more aware of my behaviours and feelings, trying hard to allow them and analyse them (but not too much!) and figure out ways to improve things for myself in the future.
I need to stay focused on ME, I find it very difficult and it doesn't come naturally! It's getting easier though, I need to do my own work to be healthy so that IF we do have a chance at R then we are both in a good place to do it.
A few things I'm unsure about at the moment:
GAL - I need ideas for things to do at home whilst the kids are in bed that are low energy ideally?! I get so bored and it's often the time that I get myself upset or worked up.
180s - need some inspiration for some new ones!
Books - I would like to read some self help books on fear of abandonment, self esteem, other similar things. Any ideas anyone?
Interacting with H - Since my H started intensive therapy with his IC and begun dealing with his childhood into adult issues he's wanted to spend a lot more time with me & is much more friendly etc. He's opening up about his feelings a lot more and generally seems to feel comfortable, he's begun to show remorse for some of the things he's done & put me through, he said he's "very proud of the woman that I'm becoming and can see that this situation is going to be the making of me as he's never seen me so strong" also that I'm a "wonderful mother & amazing woman" so his attitude has certainly shifted somewhat - I'm trying to have no expectations and I'm well aware he will cycle and fluctuate. I very rarely contact him at all, he contacts me several times a day every day, sometimes just to chat and sometimes relating to finances/kids/business.
What I want to know is, what's the best way to handle this, do I just go with the flow, remain detached and not have any expectations or should I be being "dim" and not answering his calls etc? He's suggested a few things recently to do as a family or together, it's always positive and we always enjoy it - where do I draw the line to ensure he's not just cake eating or is a little cake eating good at times to show him what he's missing?!
Thank you
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
