I will echo other comments about seeing an IC. When you get to the point where you are considering hurting yourself, you need to engage some professional help asap. You should also consider joining a support group...check with your church if you have one.
Yes...this hurts. And the hard part is that there is no way around it....only thru it. One of the things that helped me was to not only feel the feelings...but ask myself what the source of those feelings was, and then explore that.
I know it's difficult to believe that you will get thru it....and in all likelihood, be happier and stronger than before. But you can, and you will....if you allow it, if you put in the work.
