choosing door #2 - next part in my journey

[TL72*]

Matt - thank you so much for posting! I knew in my head that the testosterone played a role in this but having you say that just helps me realize I'm not crazy for thinking that. He was taking the injections up until he moved out, although the doctors told him to stop for a few weeks due to extreme high red blood cell count. I took him (after BD) to the blood bank to donate blood. Then he moved out shortly after. I did ask once if he heard from the doctor because at the time they hadn't called him back after his last blood test. He only answered "yes" and did not say anything else so I did not ask anything else. He had gotten a refill before he moved out though so I'm going to assume he's still taking it. On the side effects, YES loss of anger control bigtime - mostly at work though, he came home angry every day and would have tantrums about work stuff, then of course he told me he was angry at ME almost all the time. Selfish behavior - YES, it was all about him. I was doing everything just trying to keep the peace. I realize now that I was playing my role too with the whole over-responsible issues I have. The sex thing YES, he went on it because he felt his erections were not what they were before and low energy,couldn't lose weight, low sex drive and this is someone who has had a high drive since I met him when he was 39. He was watching porn all the time but that was nothing new. Our sex life was always good and he didn't complain about that, but he admitted to me that coworkers were hitting on him and he wanted to do something but didn't because he was married and he blamed ME for that. He has a history of depression, his father was loony so I know he has FOO issues as well. Anyway, I agree, the shots didn't start this MLC, he was already in depression before the shots, I think it just sort of sped things up somehow. I suggested the replacement therapy because he needed balance, I didn't know that he might need IC but he was not interested in that at all either and he declined the AD at his last physical. The doctors are informative but not informative enough. I went with him to an appt because they showed me how to give the injections, he couldn't do it himself, I suppose he learned how. They never mentioned any of these side effects and he never told them he was having any. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do about it anyway, I am learning to let it go and detach. It does sort of settle my mind though to have an explanation, I was searching for one for months and have only recently figured out it doesn't matter the reason, it just IS. Thank you so much for posting, it does help me. I'm sorry about your W, that was a terrible thing for her to say. I so appreciate your kind words, you have no idea - I have been forced to do a lot of introspection since the BD and I read a lot of information so I think in the long run - maybe he did me a favor. I definitely have my own issues I'm working on so IF he ever comes back, which I highly doubt at this point, but IF he did, I think i'm more capable of having a mature relationship, one that would be better and more healthy. So I'm taking his gift of time and trying to put it to good use. I will go read up on your sitch. Thank you again for posting, it really does somehow make me feel better.