The sort of response I was looking for ie someone to tell me where I am going right or wrong.
You will get that advice here. Please consider it. Often, it will seem the opposite of what you think you should do.
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She definitely knows I'm an attentive dad. She told me this when splitting with me... that I was a great husband and dad. But she obviously wants/needs more.
When she talks to you, listen for the clues as to what she thinks is missing. If you think there is something in what she says that you think would make you a better person, regardless of whether you ever R, then you should plan to make the changes. For you, not for her.
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If I do stay tonight (and I'm obviously going against your good advice if I do) I want her to the see the changes I have made. And I want to reiterate that I have made changes for ME.
You shouldn't be rescuing her. She has chosen to leave; there are consequences; it's not your job to soften them. Do not talk about your changes. She will resent it because you are only making them now, after "ruining her life". And whatever you do, don't tell her you made changes for you, because that's just you being selfish. And it's all about her in her mind right now. Now is not your moment. Hate to say this, but you will be at this for months and months. This will be hard, and painfully slow. Make your changes for you. Quietly. Patiently. She'll notice, but won't care for a long time. And you will come to realize that since you are making the changes for you, that it becomes less important that she validate or recognize them.
Stop talking about you and your changes. Communicate with actions only.
You must become a model patience and stability. You are working on your long term life plan. You will not be driven by emotional reaction to her ever changing moods. Her spiders do not figure into your plan, not even a little bit.
