Who is about Crimson? Who is your God? Are you motivated more by what your Ex says, does, thinks? Or are you motivated by what God says, does, think and promises? Truly examine, where is your motivation? What motivates you is who you are truly worshipping.
God doesn't punish... not in the sense that you are thinking. He does allow us to go through things that will ultimately refine us and He will ultimately turn all circumstances into good if we allow Him. But He does expect us to join Him in that endeavor. If we sit around waiting for inspiration to hit us instead of just moving forward on His promises, we are going to be sitting forever.
John 5 talks about the paralytic sitting by the pool for 38 years waiting for healing. He was waiting for someone to pick him up, carry him and put him in the pool (they believed the pool was stirred by angels and the first one in after it was stirred would be healed). Jesus came along and told him to "get up." Jesus didn't put him in the pool. Jesus didn't answer his prayers in the way he expected. Mostly because Jesus knew that what the paralytic believed would heal him, wouldn't! That divine knowledge thing is pretty handy. The paralytic did get up because He believed what Jesus told him. What if the paralytic continued to hold onto the notion that the only way he could receive healing was if someone carried him into the pool? He'd still be sitting there waiting... being miserable. Crimson, you need to go back to your old posts. You are being delivered from all of this. You are receiving healing. You are receiving beautiful gifts in the middle of this (your strengthening bond with your son chief among them) but you insist on still sitting by the pool. Your means of healing doesn't look like what is in your mind so it must not be real or it must not be God. It is almost as if you are now taking on the role of God (I don't judge because if we went through the ways I do this we'd be here for the next 38 years). Jesus found the paralytic later at the temple. I can't help but think he was at the temple giving thanks to God. He was still a social outcast, he was still dirt poor, he probably had nothing. None of that had been healed yet. But his mind was on what had been healed and the possibilities that presented for his future. Get up Crimson.
