Oh boy. I step away for a few (more?) days and BLAM! Lots going on!
There's waaaayyy too much to respond to directly, and it looks like Starsky and others have had you covered.
Please remember that you H is walking into YOUR safe ground. YOU have been a faithful and responsible wife. You have no reason- NONE AT ALL- to keep your head anything but high. Since your H is coming down (I'm sure OW is thrilled about that), take advantage and go out without him while he sits with the kids at night. He should know, if he does not already, that you will be just fine without him. The question is, do you realize that yet too?
I have read the increased anguish in your "voice" (at least the one I use in my head when I read your posts) and I can tell you are at your limit. Part of going dark is to preserve what feelings you have left for your H. By keeping contact, your "love bank" balance is dropping fast. You will find yourself left with only contempt if you don't protect yourself from contact with him.... We'll see how the weekend unfolds.
I'm sorry that your vacation has been tainted this way. I know its no comfort right now, but your H will come to regret this one day. I'm in the Charlotte area frequently for work- I'd love to visit this OWs grocery store to see what she looks like - I'm sure she's a mess . Hang in there!
. Hang in there!