Definitely feel like I've had a setback today. I replied to his reply (in which he shared an article he read and strategies he is using with our D), thanking him for it, and praising him-- he is spending more QT with d, she is responding to him so well (she would never let him put her to bed before; now he does it 3x a week. And even if I am there, she is much more willing to be with H than before.)
So, he didn't reply to that but instead I got a reply to an earlier message asking him about plans for the summer. He (very politely) told me his tentative vacation plans with his family and (no longer my) friends, and requested another meeting with the mediator for next week.
He has opened up to me recently-- complimented me, asked for advice re: our D, shared pictures and little stories about her with me. But shows zero interest in me personally. He is committed to being a friendly co-parent, but wants nothing to do with me otherwise. I am feeling like such a fool for holding out any hope that he will reconsider.
He is done.
He is "I'm relieved she is not so angry and upset anymore because now I don't have to feel so guilty all the time. And I don't have to feel bad at all about letting her know about plans with her former family and friends that she is no longer a part of, because she's ok with it now!"
He is "great for her and our D that she is changing but there is not a chance I want her as my W ever again. There is someone else way better than her out there for me."
Mind-reading, I know. I KNOW. But I think I am misinterpreting his friendliness for ambivalence. But his actions (zero interest in me personally, moving forward with mediation) indicate he has decided that he is done.
Maybe I am having trouble detaching because I don't have closure. I want him to hold himself accountable for his role. I know he won't.
I feel like i am in mourning again, after feeling so much stronger for the last couple of months. I just feel like breaking down and sobbing, which i haven't felt in a while. The energy to keep this up is taking a toll on me, and if there is no chance of payoff... back to my beginning-- is it worth it?? Why am I bothering?
Shortly after he left he said he had to get to know the "new" me. How does that happen if I detach? But then, when I try to actually show a part of myself (like sending a friendly email with a little humor in it), he won't even respond.
