Thanks, Dev. Don't worry, Mr. Bond, my expectations are low, but I am encouraged by the change.

I would hope that in 4 to 6 weeks she may start coming through the withdrawal, who knows to where, but at least it's forward motion...

As of today, she still "cares about OM, hasn't heard from him, and doesn't want any of his bullsh1t" so she seems to be holding the line so far on NC. Last time she made it 5 weeks of NC before going back to OM. I think she'll pull it off this time. The thrill is gone.

If she's up before I leave in the morning, I say good morning, and goodbye before I leave. We may eat dinner together, after which she goes to our bedroom to hide, while I spend my evening with the kids.

She is horribly depressed and not sleeping, in spite of AD's and sleeping pills. She has discovered that the A wasn't the answer, just another man trying to control her. She is staying in bed late and sobs that she has no reason to get up in the morning. She feels imprisoned in her own life and house. "The noose is tightening around my neck." She is paranoid that D12 is spying on her on my behalf, because D12 asks her where she was if she goes out. I think she fears losing her R with D12. She is very low right now.

She is furious with me because I won't give her full access to our finances and won't pay her CC that she has now maxed out. She says she hates me, is convinced we have no future and she doesn't even want to try to R. She says she is past the point of no return, and MC would be useless. Her therapist supports her in this. In one sentence she wonders why she just can't go back to what was because that would be easier than the hell she is living now, but the thought of me touching her, or having a conversation with her repulses her. When I laugh with the kids, she wants to "come and smack me". "I can't wish death upon him soon enough."

I've heard all of this before, of course, and it's like water off a duck's back at this point.

None of this was said directly to me. To me, she still denies the A.

And so, I wait. There are no small gains, no incremental goals really. Just hoping she gets to bottom out this time. Hoping she starts thinking on her own post-OM without the gaggle of pro-D friends pushing her down that path too quickly.

It is so much easier for me now that she isn't cake eating though.