[SemperFi00]

Feeling a little better today but as hard as I try to get my mojo back, still haven’t completely gotten back to where I had been over the past few weeks. And not sure what has been different over last couple of days.

Previous few weeks I believe I had done well in living the mantra that I was standing for M because it was important to me and values and had been fairly detached regarding interactions (or lack of) w/W.

Had even begun to more seriously than ever contemplate whether I was ready to ask her to make a decision – regardless of which direction that may have driven things. I think also experiencing some resentment and anger about the way I am being treated and don’t like that feeling either.

I hate the way these thoughts made/make me feel but am also really beginning to think that the only chance of building a new R is for W to truly experience the loss of family and M. It has also been awhile since I have felt this way so trying to really understand where this is coming from and trying not to react from an overly emotional state.

Also sense that some feelings of insecurity and lack of worthiness are circling around. Don’t like those visitors either.

Ughh!!!!!!