I think when I ask for forgiveness it's because I sincerely think that I did something wrong. In this case, failed to value a gift that I was given and did not nurture my relationship or marriage. It's an act of contrition I guess....and maybe I feel as if expressing true remorse for my attitude and actions will results somehow in happiness on some level.
I don't know if you are speaking of something more of the spiritual sense, or if you are referring to asking for forgiveness of some person you have wronged......or maybe both. What concerns me about what you said here is I have to wonder if you feel you are being punished? Either by your XW or God, or both?
Has your XW ever said, or given any indication, she has forgiven you? I remember you writing a very heart-felt letter when you were scheduled to meet in court, and she was touched by what you said. I just can't remember her actually saying at some point she forgave you of anything in the past.
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maybe I feel as if expressing true remorse for my attitude and actions will results somehow in happiness on some level.
Who are you referring to? By that, I mean who are you watching to see if they give you this happiness as a result for your remorse, change of attitude and much improved behavior? You want to be rewarded with happiness. From who?
Who is punishing you, and who do you want to reward you with happiness? And, is this happiness in general (you said at some level), or is it more specified? IOW, do you have something more tailored in mind? Such as, a R with your XW, and your son able to have both parents living together again?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
