Hey LIS. I think when I ask for forgiveness it's because I sincerely think that I did something wrong. In this case, failed to value a gift that I was given and did not nurture my relationship or marriage. It's an act of contrition I guess....and maybe I feel as if expressing true remorse for my attitude and actions will results somehow in happiness on some level.
I am both encouraged and discouraged by the story of your OM. It's good to hear that someone (you) had the heart to realize that what was on paper did not matter as much as what you felt....your connection with your H. I think my XWs connection to/feelings for me are at best deeply buried and at worst flat-out MIA. She had said before that her heart felt closed to me....and then said it was difficult for her to finally open it up to someone (in this case, OM) during our counseling session. So....at least it opened....just not to me.
I am moving on and moving forward as best I can. I know what my reality is....but I still hope for miraculous things....who doesn't, right? I know that my comparing myself to OM is not "right" - I need to stop....it is male ego. And, like I said, I am jealous. Not the best emotion - but I am just being honest. And it is the very notion that he is better for her than ME that does burn....because I laid out my best for her - through ups and downs, good and bad....and it just wasn't enough. 25 said that she needs to see others (this is her first R post-D) to see me and herself more objectively. I hope she is right.
