Just saw your post, Bug.....I am trying. And yes, I am riddled with fear. And it is embarrassing - I want to be naturally stronger, braver than I really am and often I hate myself for not being able to flip a switch and just not care anymore....about her....about being a part-time dad....about OM....about everything.
Full naked transparency? Here it is, and it is embarrassing look into my own insecurities and psyche but I'll share with you guys.....
I am afraid that OM is better than me in every. single. way. Smarter, better looking, better in bed, more attentive to her than I was, wittier, more thoughtful, more caring, wants a baby with her ASAP, is just amazing with our son. I am afraid that he is the antithesis of the totality of everything that XW ever hated in me....and she is so drawn to that that despite my growth and change it is something I couldn't dare to even DREAM of competing with that. I am afraid that she looks at hime with the loving eyes that she used to look at me with. I am afraid that I am completely, 100% lost in the shadow of whatever greatness she sees in him and it makes me feel insignificant, rejected, inadequate, lesser-than, and as if I am the true loser in all of this....otherwise, XW would have seen my value and worth by now. I feel as though she is happy and on cloud nine right now....while I am left behind - still.
This ^^^^ is pathetic, and embarrassing but it is where my head has been. And I know it makes me look weak and defeated....but I am just trying to be honest in the hopes that I can get past it.
I am also sorry for over-posting lately. I tend to be here a lot during times of duress looking for insight and support. This is for sure one of those times.
