Discovering the buck stops here....

[mizjjd]

Jaye

I am unbelievably proud of you. Wow Portia! Thank you for that. It means a lot to me. Thank you again. You are in a situation that you do not like and you are making an effort to change it. Yes, definitely not liking the situation. It has to change, one way or another.

You are right about your H. Somewhere along the line for whatever reason, he did not learn proper people or coping skills. I actually see quite a bit of my father in your H. We love them. But sometimes we don't like them very much. And sometimes we run out of slack to cut them for their abuses. Even understanding the "why" doesn't make the hurt stop. It may make it easier to deal with, but the pain still happens.

I am glad you went to counselling. If nothing else the therapist validated that you were not as nuts as you feel. That your H's fantasy of keeping his comfortable world intact - OW and all - is as delusional as it sounds.
Yes, this was very healing. I have received volumes of great support here, but having someone face to face to connect with does help.
Do something different. See what happens.

And keep going to counselling even if your H does not want to attend.

Lots and lots of love!! I may continue, we'll see what happens. Love to you as well

Had our 2nd session Monday. A much calmer session, questions about the business that failed.

Tuesday on the way to S17A's track meet H says. "I heard from OW today. She texted me her current fears and the fact that her doctor is suggesting valium. I told her to take care of herself and not think about me. Not to think about needing to keep up our friendship, to focus on herself and her husband."

Telling me about his contacts is new. H doesn't feel he can cut ties completely because she is unstable and because he sees her as his only friend. But he tells me over and over that the feelings that were present in the beginning of their R have faded.

I am mulling all this. Not sure what to think, how to respond. I simply said "Thank you for telling me."

I still feel that the "No OW" policy needs to be maintained. But is he making progress? I don't like the idea of keeping her in the wings so to speak. I plan to ask the Dr. on our next visit if he sees this as progress, if my insistence on NO CONTACT with OW should be held.

I can't get past him hanging on to a R he knows threatens his M. It makes me feel un-valued. I feel his "deal" gives me as little as possible and is not much of a "deal" at all.

But you know what? I'm tired. Tired of the whole thing.

And now H has texted me that his mother has taken a turn for the worse...

And back to work I go.

Take care DB world.

~~ Jaye