Is this cake eating 16

[labug]

Why did you go? It seems you knew it was going to drag up a lot of stuff?

I agreed to their invitation because it was the right thing to do.

This "family" situations are difficult, aren't they? All that duty stuff mixed in even when people clearly aren't acting like family.

Food for thought, what do these people add to your life and is seeing them for a couple of hours and being miserable worth whatever they add?

I used to have a lot of rules about life and family duty and doing the "right thing". Nearly drove myself crazy. What I finally figured out was, I was putting a lot of effort into R that weren't healthy. In many instances "they" were doing things out of a feeling of duty and I reciprocated out of a feeling of duty.

These were people in my life who ignored boundaries, were sarcastic and sometimes downright mean. There was no real love or caring and I usually felt generally dissatisfied and taken advantage of after.

So I decided to really think about those "duty" visits. Now I visit who I want, when I want, not as a matter of duty. Sometimes it's "those" people but I visit on my terms. My terms include an internal rule-I stay for 30 minutes, longer if I'm enjoying myself or I politely take my leave when the crap starts. If "they" want to talk because I'm not meeting their expectations, let them. I know the truth of the matter.

We each have to figure out what's OK for us, just a different perspective.