She left - 3

[gogofo]

So here is how my evening ended.

Went home and laid in bed for an hour reading before I was going to head to my parents for dinner. W called and I let it go without answering, usually answer when she calls. Waited about 5 minutes and called her back. She was taking kids to dinner and said they wanted me to attend if I could. I act like I could change my plans and show up to dinner.

I find it interesting that when I have the kids they never ask for mommy to show up or for me to call her, etc. It makes me feel unbelievable proud of myself that the kids ask for their daddy when they are with mommy, she used to be all they cared about which is common for young kids.

I felt conflicted about going because I have yet to really act scarce and busy when she extends an invitation involving children. It was one of my 180s to always be available for kids and family and it is also hard not to want to attend when we have enjoyable “family” times. I also had plans to take the kids to look at a train that was going to be in town yesterday at 7:30, so this would make it easier. I also want to show the W who I am now and make love bank deposits with her.

Dinner was good and I brought up that I want to take the kids to see the train from 7:30 to 8:30. Earlier during dinner she said she had a couple papers due and one was due Wednesday at 12:00. I said “you are welcome to join us, but I don’t want to interfere with your school work.” She agrees to go but wants to change out of her dress, which I say was probably a good idea since she would be stealing all of the attention away from the train; she was embarrassed/flattered.

Went to her place, hung out for 20 minutes and loaded up for our trip. I was excited to see the train and when we approached the depot, no one was there. In my excitement I failed to see that I had the correct day of the week but not the date, I was off by two weeks. I laughed and was embarrassed, she teased me and said the “I was never good with details”. Note one more are of person improvement to work on.

For “punishment” I took her to Starbucks and got the kids cookies and headed back to her place. The kids wanted to go to the park so we stopped and played together for a while and headed home. I ask to stay to put kids to bed and we showered and read books and sang songs together.

When done I get a drink of water and slowly start to head out, but admit that I hoped I was invited to stay a little longer. She says she is going to have a glass of wine and offers me one.

We sit on the couch and have casual conversation for a little more than an hour. Talk about her school and work, my work, current event things, etc. This was the first time we sat and just talked, no R talk or stress from needing to talk about it, just a great conversation like we used to have when we were doing well in our M. I even brought up past conversations we have had about things and showed that I do “like” her and pay attention to her. Trying to bust down the opinion she formed of me when she left.

What a whirlwind of emotion yesterday was, but it ended in a positive note (for me). Don’t know if this goes against DBing, but it felt right and I was paving the road back as smooth as possible. I know that she needs to miss me and I need to be scarce, but when things involve our kids I find it impossible to say no. From my point of view it seemed to be another small step forward. I feel anytime I can show her what her (our) lives could be like if we reconciled, it is the right thing to do. We both were really relaxed and comfortable around each other and may have been more helpful than some of the more serious conversations we have had in the past.

Now back to working on me (using her teasing comments) and leveling out my emotional roller coaster I was on the past two days; and also back to working through my EA/PA feelings.