"I can't imagine." "I can only be happy if ____ happens." "If I have ____ I will be happy." The focus right now is what it is you don't have and when we do that, acceptance CAN'T happen. Peace CAN'T happen. I'm QUEEN of this. It is was led to my original marital breakdown. I thought I could not be happy because I was taken from my home, friends and family and moved halfway across the country. Then my husband left, then I realized what unhappy was all about. Then my focus moved to that. Then I had to leave my job of 15 years because H worked there and so did his gf. I felt so much injustice. So much. Lots of crap happened after that to compound an already terrible problem. And my focus turned to the injustice of all of that. One day it clicked, though, that idea of acceptance...
As trite as it sounds, we have one life. And we live that life where we are focused. We can focus on the unhappiness and the injustice or we can focus on something new. I ended up starting my own business. I started taking seminary classes (something I longed to do for years). I built a life around health and fitness and challenging myself there. And yes, one day my husband came home and my focus had to be on the good that was happening rather than the hurt I was feeling. Do I think I'm on the other side of any of this? No. I'm scared to say that. But I do think that I'm making good progress. And I can tell you right now that I'd do every bit of it all over again to get me where I am today. There has been so much healing in me... even things that had absolutely nothing to do with my marital breakdown. Me starting my own business would have been laughable to me 2 years ago and yet here I am and just landed an account that people who have been in the business for 20 years couldn't land. That's credit to God, btw, not me. His plan was way bigger than my own.
My point is? I would love to see you focused elsewhere now. You have been dealt a horrible hand in some ways. God didn't see it fit to give me children (I have my own heartbreak because of that) but I know simply saying goodbye to my nieces and nephew sends me into a panic attack. So I cannot imagine what you are going through. But what those insightful others above are saying is so right. Pour yourself into books and research on how to make these transitions better for your precious son. How do you get yourself more time with your boy? What have you always wanted to do that you have been too afraid or to busy to do? Anything new you want to learn? There are a world of possibilities. I do not want at all to diminish the pain about your son. But some of this you cannot change. So I want you to open your mind to what happiness could mean in your life if this particular door is closing. You are such a good man. You have made wonderful changes in your life. Just keep going. It looks to me like you have a whole cheering section for yourself here.
