She moved home but still in love with OM!

[MrBond]

"somehow she slips in " he won't let me do that" or " he has a good heart" or we went hiking and XXXXX was telling me"

I don't understand what this means. Who is "he"? Who is "we" and XXXXX?

"She claims that I am leading her to bring him up in conversation; I could be maybe without knowing it?"

Probably.

"But I asked her to stop ,"

Don't. Let her just let it all out. You'll learn alot by actually LISTENING to what she says. You'll pick up clues as to what she thought was lacking in her relationship with you. You might think it's total gibberish, but it means something to her.

"she can choose not to answer, but 9 out of ten times she gets him into the situation."
That is the boundary."

Then you're missing an opportunity to learn.

"My other is when we are with the divorce team and she Brings up her plans to move to Israel or his apartment is really there apartment ( my face probably flushes because I get a panic feeling when she does this), she senses it upsets me, and when we leave the meeting she asks if I am ok I looked awful at the meeting...to me bringing up moving there combined with then asking me if I am ok, when she knows full well what is (I told her) is to me a violation."

Why should this bother you? It is, after all, part of the D proceedings. She has a right to say things that are going to be uncomfortable to you just like you'll be saying things that are uncomfortable to her. It's more control on your part. You're going to have to learn to develop a thicker skin because things will get much worse before they get better.

Then she said I feel bad, maybe we should put up a divider so you can sleep here.

Ofcourse for some reason that led to another big argument..she was yeeeeeellllllling I was actually getting a little attached to her , it was a rush to see how strong she can be and how she will protect her beliefs." "