She moved home but still in love with OM!

[Missmygirl]

I agree with HollyAnn that her conduct is emotional abuse to Ox, however, I also agree with you, Bond, that he is choosing to let what she is doing and saying to affect him, thereby being a victim of her actions.

Ox, I assume you have decided to work to save your marriage. Any marriage must be built on mutual respect for each other. Respect comes first, and admiration second. She will never love and admire you if she doesn't respect you. Stop reacting to her words and actions. Decide what you will accept and what you won't. Decide what your response will be to a boundary violation before the violation takes place. Set the boundary. If she steps into the forbidden zone, carry out the response. You've got to be almost robotic about it though. Don't get caught in arguments. Don't get emotional. It is cause and effect.

My wife also accused me of trying to control her. She became livid when I told her what my boundary was. I communicated to her that it was not control, it was me protecting myself and staying true to what I believe in.

Show her your improvements (if you actually have made them) by way of action. Not words. Focus on yourself and the path you have chosen to follow, with or without her. The improvements you make will benefit you first, then your girl (whether it is your current wife or a new girl in the future).

Start looking farther down the road. That way, you're not reacting to everything she does, be it good or bad. Have a game plan. You don't seem to have one.