Bond.. Hmm. I guess I don't know "officially" that his reason for irritability was me. However, he did clarify that I wasn't doing things the way he wanted... I instead was reading... and that bugged him. He said my reading wasn't beneficial to him. I was reading a relationship book. I stated that I was reading it because knowing that I own a car, does not make me a mechanic. I put the book down and started to do the things he was p!ssy about.
Job... thats the thing, I would have expectations and mind read... but, its a goal to try to view it that way. Maybe I will try to have a coffee and not sit there waiting for him to R talk. The thing is, is that I know he is trying to keep connections that hook me. So, maybe I will have a coffee and walk away. I dunno.. I am still vulnerable to be hooked.
I understand the concept to try different things.... I believed that I was on the right path when he was sharing coffee time, then dinner, then beer, etc. Suggesting that he wants more, etc.... except outside of a commitment/exclusive. Otherwise, I would still believe what I was doing...was working.
I like the pearlharbr story, it worked for her. Mosts importantly with self respect. It is an amazing story & I keep re-reading the good parts. The parts that made her xbf jealous & "wonder" are inspiring.. I just don't think its a good strategy for me... therefore I want to tweak her story to make it suit my sitch.... I just don't know what to change up without challenging his faith and belief in me. Regardless, I still need to do it.... regardless of the outcome.... I just want to make sure I am not sabotaging things. I am willing.., just need clear guidance.
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Tonight was a lot of fun... lots of women gathering for food, chit chat, deep convo's, wine, connection, hot tub & fire...then more talk...lol I am sooooooo happy that I have these women who genuinely care about my well being and my progress toward my goal. One suggestion that keeps popping up is to introduce the suggestion of a mens weekend away.... I found some further info about dates/location. I would just LOVE to tell Xbf all about it. He seems somewhat interested in self-help, but cannot justify the time it takes. He is full of excuses (like I was). I am not sure how to approach, or if now is the right timing... since I am trying to be firm on my boundary and not pursue. During a time where NO mistakes, NO waffling.... is permitted.
I guess at this point it doesn't really matter, as the mens weekend for self discovery is scheduled this coming weekend (kinda soon). I am grateful that its within my area... very happy about that. Makes it possible, not such a big deal...for someday.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
