Unlearning conflict avoidance - 11

[MrBond]

"The point was that I do vacuum, though not as often and exactingly as W does "

Did she tell you that was a problem before?

"(if I have not mentioned it, she takes the head off the hose and vacuums with the hose end alone, for maximum suction; she disapproves of my using the usual 'stick' extension, but I don't care)."

But if her way works better (which it usually does) then you should do it. In the end all you're getting is a clean house.

"I do see your point, Bond, that she simply might not care exactly what I do cleaningwise."

Of course she doesn't.

"I offered to do the laundry years ago, and she said "please do not", that I am not good at it."

Many women actually say this. It doesn't mean anything in terms of disrespect.

"She takes over the kitchen when on vacation, as if she wants nothing from me."

Seriously? Why do you feel so rejected just because she wants to use HER kitchen? I think you're so wrapped up in the ACTS OF SERVICE part of love that if someone else does it, you actually feel rejected and not useful. It makes sense. I mean, you think you have no self-worth so your service is the only thing you think you can offer. Then when that's gone, you feel rejection.

"So my household jobs are mostly cooking on weekdays, when the women are out working and I have time to prepare food."

So?

"S20 really liked Selfish Giant, an excellent movie. He studies English Lit, so this literary/arty stuff is to his taste."

Okay but next time you should just do things together that's not so heavy in subject where you two can just laugh.

"Action: took son to car dealer's, where snow tires come off tomorrow, and then walked back with him through town, stopping at various stores, including his favorite, the cheese specialist, where we got some new smelly ones for him (he chose). He is much easier than either d16 or W to be with."

That's because he's your BOY. You can't relate to women. But that doesn't mean you can't learn to. You isolated yourself from your own daughter for a long time so it will take awhile for things to grow.

"Big fun here is riding on multi-person railroad bicycles, the kids sing and we speed along, pick berries or mushrooms, picnic, talk, relax."

Sounds like fun.

"W did not come on the most recent trip, fortunately, so I had a very good time."

Passive aggressive. How do you know you wouldn't have had a good time with your W? Throughout all of this, I haven't seen you make any CONSISTENT effort to improve things with your W. I mean if you don't plan to, then why don't you go ahead and file for a D already?