Thanks for the suggestion about SH groups - I sure can use some help with the day-to-day stuff. I will find out what's on offer around here.
Re the kids, yes, they are a blessing and I can't imagine how any one can choose to be without them. I do tell my kids that dad can't help what he's doing; that he's going through some turmoil but that he loves them deeply and always will.
Last time I said this to S15, though, he replied "It's not that i don't think he loves me... it's that i don't love him any more."
At this point he broke down and cried and asked "Do you know what it's like not to love your father?"
All I could say was "No, I don't". It broke my heart.
Yesterday he said, out of the blue: "How come, if he loves me, he comes over and announces he's getting married and then just doesn't come back?" [XH has been completely NC for over a month since he arrived on our doorstep unexpectedly and stayed for 5 mins to tell S15 - and only S15 - his news] "If he cares about me, why would he do that? And why does he keep telling me he cares when he treats me like that?"
The mis-match between how XH treats them and the guy that his parents refer to when we are there for a family lunch is just a bit hard to take. It's like we all want to tell them what an a-hole he really is to us because they see him as exactly the same good ol' guy.
So yeah, this is hard [censored]... more for them these days than for me. I can leave this guy behind, but the kids can't.
But... worse stuff happens to people. We are healthy and privileged to live the sort of life that we do. Got to take the best we can out of the situation we find ourselves in.
