She left - 3

[gogofo]

I have been thinking a little and reading and I think I have figured out why this emotion has washed over me yesterday and today.

Leading up to the talk we had on last Thursday I was excited about the possibility of hearing she would be ready to work on the R. You can see the excitement in my posts around that time. The talk was not bad and probably a small step forward.

Coming up before the talk I read a book on resorting trust, as she said previously she did not know if she could trust me. I usually get motivated when I learn new techniques that could possibly by used in the R.

I, like always, was ready to go and ready to make some progress. I did some assuming or mindreading into text messages from the W before the talk let me get excited and probably lightly set some expectations. I know that mind reading and expectations will only hurt me because the WAW sets their own pace.

I understood this, even during our talk. When she said she did not know if she thought we could be fixed, I told her I wasn't pressuring her for an answer.

Then Easter comes and I told myself that I do not need to invite her to family dinner, and I didn't. The emotions were strong that day after the egg hunt together in the morning. When I was at my parents it just seemed sad and empty without the kids or W, I got sentimental. I even left the house and went for a ride on the Vespa so I didn't have to think about them not being there. I fell asleep that night missing and wanting my family.

Sunday and Monday night were not stellar nights for sleeping for me so I have been tired the past two days. I know when I am tired things seem extreme in the situation and my mind wonders. When I was in this state and noticed the book being gone, my mind broke the little bit of work I had done about the EA.

So over excitement about the reality of her feelings about working on us, the strong emotions about Easter, and two days of fatigue have really done me in.

But all this being said, I still need to figure out my emotions and subsequent actions towards the book comments and possible EA/PA issues.