thanks Sandi! I'm in pretty decent shape physically, but hadn't been working out for a year or so until the BOMB - I've been in the gym almost every day since! Bombing occured 3/13/14. I look good enough that I don't fear someone else not wanting me if we get a D.
I think the lack of attraction could be caused by the bickering. She holds grudges, then doesn't want to be with me because she's still dwelling on that. I have messed up a few times in the past, after being fed up with being turned down for sex. One time I mentioned an Open Marriage, but have never really wanted one. But my LL is Physical Touch, I need it, and not just sex. Another time, after repeatedly being turned down over the course of several weeks, I said "fine, I'm never going to ask for it again". She apparently really took this personally, though she knows I desire her sexually, a lot.
you wrote "It just seems it should be more complex than the reasons she gave. A mother of three kids suddenly announcing she wants a D? Does she have some great job that she doesn't need to worry about finances? ". I agree, that's why I've wondered about depression, or at least lack of fulfillment. She has no job, but gets a monthly annuity payment for life. But that's not enough to have her live comfortably without me. Perhaps she feels like that with a little child support? I dunno. However, I don't really want her to stay in the M only for, or even primarily for, financial reasons.
I don't think she's thought it thru at all, and this is a mother who is 100% about her kids. Shared custody would mean I have them, and she doesn't, about half the time.
