It just seems it should be more complex than the reasons she gave. A mother of three kids suddenly announcing she wants a D? Does she have some great job that she doesn't need to worry about finances?
That book, 50 Shades, has cropped up several times here on the board. Other men have stated how their W's had similar reactions. I tried to download it to see what all the hype was about, but couldn't get through the first chapter. They must have seen more than I did.
However, I went through several years of reading romantic novels. I know it doesn't have the same effect on all women, but if a woman is in an unfulfilled MR......especially sexually, I believe it is possible to have what is called imaginary affair. There is the physical affair (PA)and emotional affair (EA) and then you can have one that is strictly out of your imagine. It is fantasizing about the hero in the book (or movie) to extremes. I suppose it could be a real life person as well. But the books and/or movies feed the fantasy. I think for me it had very much the same effect as if there was a third party in our R. My H couldn't live up to the hero in the books I read and I was giving them more attention than I was giving him. In time, there was a distance between us that only grew worse. I eventually had an EA with a real person.
This may sound really crazy to sane people. I never told anyone b/c I was afraid they would put me away in the loony bins. But after reading and observing over the years, I found out I wasn't the only one. I think it can certainly have an effect. Maybe not to that extreme in every case, but something seems to be there, nonetheless.
I would not try to put a label or diagnosis on her right now, until you find out more. The WAW and MLC is very similar in outward appearances and even actions. She might be in some sort of crises and she thinks she will find happiness somewhere other than through her M with you. Many times a spouse doesn't know what they want or what it takes to make them happy....but they will blame the other S for making them unhappy. They begin to identify you as the source of everything that is wrong in life.
I assume since you read the SSM book several years ago that was a reason for buying it. If the problem is still in the bedroom, I suggest you work on being as attractive as possible outside of the bedroom. Spruce up the outside of your body, and really work on the inner attractiveness, as well. When women aren't interested in having more sex with their H, that is the first thing I wonder about.....has the attraction been lost.
Do some soul searching and see how much you've changed from the man you use to be. You may not be able to recapture your college days again, but if you work hard enough I bet you can find most of that guy she fell in love with.
Set personal goals. That is important. Make them about "you".
It's a start.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
