Thanks Wonka. I guess my time line isn't clear. W has been in MLC for years. Started about a year after she went back to work when she stopped doing ANYTHING with me or the kids.(about 3 years ago) Spent all her time working and with her friends from work. Of course I was worried that she had just come out of a long bout with depression and not knowing ANYTHING about MLC, didn't know what the heck was up with her. Just before B-day, W tells me she thinks she has hormone problems and wondering if she might be having an MLC! Than after many tries to make things better including my getting a vasectomy, comes B-day. That was 10 months ago.
I believed that the reasons she said at the start were real and I went about trying to be a better husband. Of course as everything she said no longer was valid, she came up with new reasons. It got so bad at one point she said she couldn't stand the way I chew my food, so she has to divorce me! I tried other marriage "saving" sites and books. On one of them I met someone who described what I was going through perfectly. That's when I looked into MLC.
The first book I saw listed 15 things that an MLC W is doing. All 15 were things my wife was doing. The more I read, the more I became certain that this was the problem. That was about 5 months ago. Since then I have changed the way I had been acting. I have tried to detach, GAL, give her space. Little did I know that back in Dec. she snooped on another web site where I had vented BEFORE I knew this was MLC and she of course didn't say anything but her attitude got worse, ring came off, left bedroom, all because of one post that she read more into than was even there AND no longer reflected how I felt. This I just found out a couple weeks ago.
As you know in her MLC mind what she read must be how I felt now and it didn't matter to her that for months I've done nothing but give her the space she wants. When she talked to me finally I think she understands that I am miles from where I was back then but you know how the selective memories have a way of only seeing and remembering "bad", never good.
So, it's been much longer than 1-2 months and I'm sorry I didn't make that clear at the start. This is the first site I found that is about the MLC S and doesn't tell you to do all the wrong things like make ultimatums and "demand" better behavior or even one that suggested "dating" other women to make my W jelous! Don't worry, I wasn't THAT stupid! I have watched my W go from a caring mother to acting like a teenager who forgets school meetings and instead goes out with her friends after work (8 months ago). I've had to tell her 14 year old daughter many times that mommy doesn't hate her or not want to spend time with her when she tells her she can't do something with her but then goes and does the same thing without her with her "friends". She hasn't cooked a meal in more than a year but bakes and cooks all kinds of things for her to take to her friends at work. I only wish it had only been a couple months of this. I also wish that I had known about MLC from the start of this, maybe things would have gone differently, maybe not.
