I'm in, Wife's Out - Pt. Two

[trc2009]

That's a wonderful way to look at it kingdl.

The codependency is something that has come up in my IC sessions. My W was a codependent for the first 5 years we were together. She placed lower priority on her needs in order to satisfy me and my kids needs. She would say all the time, "I'll be fine as long as you and the kids are happy." And I think she truly convinced herself that was the case for a long, long time.

It was when she dropped the bomb on me when I could tell she was starting to put herself first. Not to say that's a bad thing, but she completely doesn't even consider my needs anymore. Obviously in a healthy marriage, there is a delicate balance of making sure you are taking care of your own needs without abandoning the needs of your partner. I can say with little doubt now that she is no longer dependent on me other than financially. Time will tell whether or not that is a good thing.

I don't think I would be defined as a classic co-dependent. I still like to do things away from my wife and kids. I would love to spend more time with some of my friends but generally, time and money make that a bit of a problem. That's something that is changing as we speak. I'm making it a point to spend more time with friends. A. Because I want to, and B. Because I need to have a life outside of my family.

BUT, it's damaging to a marriage to have no physical contact. We both know that. We both know that we can't live like this forever. To quote my wife, "I want to "want" to have sex with you." Obviously that isn't altogether a bad thing. She has made changes in her life. A lot of them I would say are changes for the better if we are to have a long, healthy marriage. To her, having sex risks putting her back in the place where she was. The co-dependent wife who put her husbands needs in front of her own. Obviously, as a concerned and caring husband, I don't want her to do anything she doesn't want to do. But affection is a very large part of a healthy marriage. Not puppy love or countless romps in the bedroom. But general love and affection.