Matt, our W’s are searching for meaning and purpose. We have to let them go to find it. Holding on won’t keep them with us, but can easily push them farther away. Hoping they see they are doing wrong doesn’t work either, and doesn’t help us. It causes us pain and keeps us stuck.

Please accept your W for where she is right now. Yes, it will be all about her for a while, and tough on you. Are you up for this? Are you ok with being a friend who she can talk to who you won’t be able to touch? If you can do this, it might keep her from running away from you, while still giving her a chance to figure out that you and the M weren’t the main problem after all. (ON HER OWN! Don't try to tell her or have anyone else tell her, it doesn't work like that.)

I the beginning, my W talked a lot about D and running away. That was two years ago. It's been well over a year since she's said anything about that, and it seems unlikely she will leave our home. We get along well and talk every day. I give her space and created a home setting where she could feel comfortable. She is free to do her own thing, or engage with me… her choice. We still have a long ways to go, but it really does get so much easier when you let her go, and accept where things are at the moment.

Oh, and most importantly, figure out a way to enjoy each day!

M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl