But what do I do when he says no? Where does that leave me?
You are all very strong and courageous people. I'm not. I can't be alone and I can't do it all myself. That's just not something I can even face.
UGH! I stinks to be so darned weak and useless.
SCENARIO 1: If he says no then it leaves you with the opportunity to move on. Being alone is not such a bad thing. It gives you a chance to build up your self-esteem and confidence. Once you feel more confident in yourself and in your ability to exist on your own I think you'll find yourself in a better position to one day eventually move on to a more fulfilling relationship with someone willing to fully commit to you. One in which you feel valued and confident in. Not one where you are walking on eggshells or constantly looking over your shoulder to make sure you haven't been left.
SCENARIO 2: He says yes and you finally start building a real commitment to each other. Putting it on the line to him may wake him up and realize what he has to lose. It could be a stepping stone to the relationship you really want with him and not the lukewarm, non-committal, one foot in and one foot out the door relationship that you seem to be in now.
Mish - I dragged my feet as well, until I finally got fed up with it. My ex and I at the time had been in limbo for almost 2 years. One evening in late January 2010 I asked her if we could have a talk. I chose a time where there was no real drama going on between us and I felt like we could have a rationale and calm conversation. I didn't give her a you must tell me right now ultimatum. Instead I told her that I felt like we had been stuck still standing at a fork in the road and one path took us towards full reconcilliation and the other took us in different directions. I told her that by Spring I wanted to be heading down either one of these paths. I told her that I still loved her and hoped it would be on the path towards reconcilliation, however I couldn't do it alone - it needed to be a joint commitment. I also told her that if she didn't want that then I was fully prepared to go down the path that took us in different directions.
The next day, she sent me an email that said that our talk made her for the first time in a long time stop trying to run from me and think seriously about moving back towards me. Unfortunately it did not move her enough to begin doing anything concrete towards saving the marriage and 4 months later, in late Spring of 2010 I moved on and began building a new life for myself. Today I'm more confident and happier in myself than I have been in a very long time. Do I wish we could have saved the marriage - sure if it had been a joint effort at building a mutually satisfactory relationship. She just never could commit to that. One thing I do know is that I wouldn't ever want to go back to the limbo stage we were in for so long. That was brutal.
