She left - 3

[gogofo]

Why did you hold on to your knowledge about the book (especially the threatening msg) knowing that an affair could be a deal breaker? Why would you bring it up now? Really think that through.

I did not bring it up because I wanted to move forward with building trust and bring up the book after were possibly in a better position. I also did not want to derail us possibly moving forward. I didn't know if I could bring it up with a non-threatening tone. And the last reason is that I did not want to create more chaos before Easter, I wanted it to be smooth for the kids.

A continued physical affair during our separation would be a deal breaker for me to continue contact. I would have to set a strict boundary. It being a permanent deal breaker if a PA was stopped, I still have to work through these feelings.

No snooping - The book was delivered to your house. Have the nasty talk and get it out of the way- If not move forward assuming, and being accepting of, the worst......and never ever bring it up

All the books and all the steps toward R will be for nothing unless you choose one of the above two options............

The infidelity books are to help me through this and figure out if I need to bring it up or if I can accept the worst and never bring it up. I will probably bring it up with her, just want more knowledge of my emotions and a way to bring it up without attacking.

I am pretty positive that she is having a continued EA and or confiding in a male friend for support during the separation. I don't know if this is a boundary setting issue for me or not. I am in a mental stalemate about what to do about bringing up the book and setting boundaries.

Any tips on bringing up the book since I don't have it now. I assume it would be best to do it in person but our schedules are crazy and don't think it is appropriate to text about the issue.