I think I belong here #3

[praying_in_GA]

Thread #2 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...t=11&page=1


So, he is supposed to move out today. It was a stressful, uncomfortable, awkward weekend that lead to it. First my daughter's birthday party Saturday. Friends would later tell me that he seemed to be going through the motions. Then Easter with both families. He said he felt judged by mine looking at him like a freeloader (they weren't, he is paranoid).

Sunday night he left around 9pm to go see his 'friend' to work on some last minute school stuff. He picked her up and they went out to a place with wifi and open late. He stayed out about 4 hours. When he left he said "I know you won't believe me but I have the wrong article and I need to meet S to get the right one. I have to do it tonight so we can have it ready tomorrow." I just smiled and told him to have a good time. Well, the next day he saw my sister and my mom posting random stuff on their page relating to their OWN lives. He immediately thought it was about him and decided he wasn't coming home until time for me to go to work. Then he said he has to move out because every thinks he a freeloader. Paranoia is running so deep with him right now.

LiveNow - Thank you. Part of me is looking forward to being able to just live instead of question everything. Of course the bigger part of me is devastated.

Matt - He is moving to his brothers house until his other brother's rental is available. By then he should have two part time jobs to help pay? Although, how he is going to pay rent, bills, and support to me while working 2 jobs and going to his senior semester of school is beyond me. He probably hasn't thought that far ahead....yet again.

Job - I don't know how he's going to do it, honestly. He will work two part time jobs over the summer. Then go back to school in Aug...when will he work and see the kids? If he does move to his brother's rental, does he plan on having utilities? It's just not well thought out....he just wants out and now.

We told the kids he was leaving. They took it okay until last night. The two older ones asked a lot of questions of me and I tried to answer supportive and loving. I assured them that his family will always be their family, they will still see them, they will always have me, etc etc etc. My oldest cried herself to sleep. She drew a picture of our family with "Dad please don't move away. Love, K" written above it. It's on the white board in the kitchen so I know he saw it when he left today.

He asked me why I wouldn't sign papers. I told him I didn't want to. He asked it I was making it difficult just to make it difficult. I told him I didn't get married against my will and I am not going to get divorced against my will.

He said he just has no desire to be intimate with me. He lost his love for me and his desire for me. I told him I feel like that has something to do with the having all of those new girls as school and he agreed it might. His world has been opened up and he doesn't see the need to stay in something he feels nothing for instead of going out to find something he can feel love and intimate desire for.

I want to be loved and be wanted and be desired. I want to know the man I am with wants to be near me and be with me and wants to touch me. I love hugs and kisses. I brought up some friends of ours. How they are always saying sweet things to each other and kiss hello/goodbye. You can see and feel the love between them. I told him I wanted THAT. He said he did to but he didn't want it with me.

It's stupid. We both want the same thing, he just doesn't want it with me.
We both want to be more loving and more intimate but he doesn't feel that way towards me.

The situation he is in right now is sucking those feelings away from him wife and onto other people. He is allowing himself to redirect his emotions to other women when fixing what we have would be much easier and wouldn't destroy our kids.

I told him I expected him to see the kids more than just the three nights I work. He said okay but he wasn't going to mess up his job to make sure he had time off, he needs these jobs and those will come first. Then he said that if he was going to have the kids more often he wouldn't pay me as much...almost like "You take them or I cut off your money". I can't survive the summer without his help. I just can't. The power bill is ridiculously high here in the summer so we either have power or food.

Anyway, that's my weekend in a nutshell.