Gabby ~ what do you feel that I am arguing about? If you don't want to hold my hand...thats ok. If the approach isn't a good fit for me, why did Starsky suggest it?
I suggested it because I thought it might help you, MM, to take your and your boyfriend's "name" off of this and circle above another couple more dispassionately, and see their dynamics.
You are WAY too caught up on what Pearl said her original motivations were, and how much "hand-holding" she got (and personally, I see a TON of in-her-face CHALLENGES on those threads from me (as Puppy), Gucci and others!). I SPECIFICALLY suggested her threads as a way for you to learn how to do the impersonal boundary thing -- instead of ultimatums that are littered with "I" and "me" ("This is what *I* need you to do!"), you do "This is what I need from a LTR -- _________, ___________ and ____________. I think it's unfair of me not to let you know that. Whether or not YOU are up for that is entirely up to you, and frankly I don't think you have it in you and that's okay, but I have decided that this is what I need."
And then she let HIM pursue.
Try to focus on THAT part of her sitch -- cuz it worked . . . like a charm.
