I have been really struggling the past couple of weeks. Can't seem to detach at all. Obviously doing a tons better than I was 2 months ago. I think a big part of it is I just feel like he doesn't care about me at all, and I don't get it. I know I need to stop focusing on that and focus on me. Yup, broken record.

I feel I do better during the week when the kids are at school. Maybe because I'm a little more structured, not that I'm a structured person at all. Or maybe because I don't have to worrying about hiding my sadness when I'm alone. Probably a little of both. I think summer will be tough, especially when we go on vacay.

I have started working out a little more. Still need to be more consistent. Went out with a friend for drinks which was nice. Need to get out with friends more but everybody's schedules are so crazy. Maybe once school is out we will be able to connect more.


Trying to find some things to do to GAL. So far most things I WANT to do I don't want to do alone. Kayaking, golfing, indoor rock climbing, gun range. Even thought about getting scuba certified.


Me-44 (45)
H- 50 (51)
M-'96

S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)

BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas)
home Oct(sep rooms)
(EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed)
insists wants D through July 2015
no more talk of D since