As I mentioned in a prior post, I usually don't EXPRESS boundaries. Right or wrong, I just decide in my mind what my boundaries are, and I tailor my behavior, actions and attitude to enforce said boundaries.
But one boundary I need to set for ME is that H - if he's ever in my presence - does not text OW. I feel it's incredibly distasteful and disrespectful for him to do this.
. . .
But let's say, for instance, H is in our/my home after I have stated my boundary. And let's assume he starts texting. First, how do I know if he's texting HER and not someone else? How do I handle it if he IS texting her? I can ask him to leave. And he can say no. How do I enforce a boundary like that once I've stated it?
How to originally state it:
"I know we both want what's best for the kids thru all of this, and I am thankful for that. In light of that, I have decided that going forward I would ask that you not text OW or call her from in front of them. They've both brought it up to ME as being very upsetting to them, and we need to help them thru all of this. I would also of course expect you not to text or call her from inside of our marital home, like you used to -- that's incredibly disrespectful to me, to our marriage and to our family."
How to enforce it if you walk in on him doing it, or if he does it in front of you:
"I certainly hope that's not your girlfriend you are texting." And then STAND there, looking at him. Do not leave the room, nor do anything to make HIM feel more comfortable. If he shows you that it's NOT, say "Good. I just wanted to make sure we were still clear on that." If you shows you that IS, or if he tries to dodge you, say "We've discussed this. I expect you to respect my boundaries when you're here, and take that outside." And then STAND there, and don't leave.
