Dealing with an ongoing affair

[PeterV2]

A little background: She moved out of our house on Nov 18, 2013 when she got her $18K severance check from her previous job, and she moved into the Retirement Home that we bought and that she runs.

I discovered my wife's affair Dec 14, 2013 and confronted her.

I decided to D on Dec 31 when she didn't want to spend New Year's Eve with me, but with the OM.

I was moving on with my life but on Jan 4, 2014 she came home with R on her mind. She said she was going to do NC. I stopped my D path. But that only lasted a week.

The past 4 months have been hell for me. She is still in love with him although claims she's not sleeping with him. She loves me but is not in love with me. We do spend a lot of time together. I've made dramatic changes in my behavior and in my life, but her question is "Why now?" I'm trying to be the man that only a fool would leave. Michelle is right when she says it's the hardest thing you'll ever do in your life.

Last night I was invited to her daughters and fiance's place. They didn't know about the affair but did know we were having problems in our marriage. Over the Easter weekend at his folks place his brother told him he saw my wife with the OM back in Dec kissing him and fondling his ass while they waited in line at a restaurant. So the kids asked me if I knew about him and so I spilled all the beans and told them everything. I know my wife was trying to keep the affair from them so as not to lose face in her daughter's eyes.

But now the cat's out of the bag. But they are not going to admit to her that they know - not yet.

The question is: should I tell her that the kids know; that his whole family knows? Or should I just shut up and let it unfold by itself?

I drove by her place last night on my way home and she wasn't there. I know - no snooping, but I sometime fail to keep to the rules. I suspect she was spending the night with the OM but maybe my imagination is getting the better of me. I know there are other possible explanations of where she might have been - other friends where she could be staying the night. Still it drives me crazy.