Thanks for your responses! Since the first post was moderated, this is an update. I decided to NOT setup a dating profile, as this would signal a complete lack of respect. Taking the high road at this point.
Update Mon 4/21/14:
Wow, this method is WORKING. Not only have I regained a sense of peacefulness, but she is noticing all the changes.
On 4/18 she was planning on going out with friends. I knew this, and had inquired with who (before I found DB) and knew this was coming. She mentioned she was staying over her mom’s house and to not expect her home. I put on the strong face and was indifferent (even though I was going crazy inside). I went out myself and was surprised, she came home. Hmmm… interesting.
On 4/19 She asked me for a hug. It was a long embrace and she started whispering ‘I’m never going to find someone like you’. I pulled away early and she wouldn’t repeat the message, but this was the first sign of affection for a while! Is this really working???
A suggested book was delivered, “Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants: Timeless Wisdom on Being a Man”. Short. To the Point. Eye opening! Started implementing immediately.
We went out on that night (a date planned previous to DB) and had a great time. I took charge of the evening, displayed confidence and value, and made sure it was noticed. And frankly, I should have been doing this all along. At the end of the evening she mentioned ‘she was just trying to do the right thing’. We slept in separate rooms again, but she could not sleep. This 180 was starting to drive her crazy.
4/20 Easter. We would visit my in-laws for dinner typically, but I declined. I spent the day immersed in my hobby, and was happy. In the evening we watched TV together, but I made sure to sit apart and remain pleasant but distant. Before bedtime she hugged me and said ‘it was weird not having you there’. Yes, yes it was.
QUESTION:
1. When should I start acknowledging her compliments? When is too soon?
2. I’m still wearing my wedding ring, should I have taken this off before?
3. I want to plan other dates together, but unsure when to start. Is the goal to set up an ultimatum before we date again? Thanks for reading, and to all DB’ers, whether or not this works for our marriage is to be seen. However, just implementing the strategies above empowers you and you WILL be better off. Keep at it! GAL!
The 180 changes that have been noticed and effective: (YMMV)
1. Started doing my personal laundry, dishes, but not doing hers.
2. Make the bed every morning. Organized my personal items.
3. Working out constantly. Making sure I do some while she’s around.
4. Dress nice around the house, new cologne, started growing a beard.
5. Stopped the affection. This is hard, especially now that she is coming to me for hugs!
Me: 43, W:42 M: 11 years T: 17 years Step S:22 Separated: 5/08/10 (came back 8 months later) Dbomb: 04/12/14 Implemented 180 4/17/14
Me: 43, W:42 M: 11 years T: 17 years Step S:22 Separated: 5/08/10 (came back 8 months later) Bomb Dropped: 04/12/14
