WAW...Again

[stumps]

Ugh... So... Major backslide or setback yesterday. Not quite sure what to call it. Had a great Easter with the family at W's aunt and uncle's house. Afterward as we were walking to the car W remarked what a wonderful time she had and remarked something like "where has this Stumps been? I haven't seen him in so long." Wasn't sure how to respond so I just said he's been inside me all along, he just needed a little help to shine throught. "Fair enough" W responded and we had fun pleasant conversation the whole way home.

However... as soon as we got home in the evening W headed right back out to meet up with a friend "for an hour or so". Well, an hour or so turned
into 3 hours, than 4, than 5 with no word from her. I have been doing a stellar job of not questionning where she goes and what she does, but this time...it got under my skin. She skipped the kids' dinner, bath, and bedtimes without
so much as a text and after answering the kids' "when's Mom coming home?" questions with "I don't know" for the umpteenth time my calm started
to crack.

W finally came home around 11pm, fairly trashed, and said she'd been out having a "pity party" for herself regarding the D. Said she was pissed at me and felt ripped off because of all the changes I'm making now that she's planning on leaving. Said she's happy for me seeing all the positive changes in my life but so angry that the D is what it took to make them happen. Said she's still planningon leaving and is just waiting for me to tell her what my plan is before we break it to the kids. I told her my only real option is to move about two hours away to the town where we had been looking for a house together because that was the closest place I could afford to live on my own. She doesn't like that idea for some reason and insists there must be something closer (there isn't) and I responded as gently as I could that I had fully explored my options and that this is what was going to work best for me since I was in a situation in which there was no way for me to stay any closer to the kids.

I could be wrong, but I've been "single dad'ing" it for so long at this point I think it may have dawned on her that D means I'm not going to be around in the same capacity anymore. For the sake of the kids I would be if I could, I just can't afford it. It breaks my heart, but I think I'm looking at a sitch where I become "weekend dad" and W and her parents (whom she'll be living with) have the kids during the week. It's the only thing that seems financially viable. I'm kind of surprised she seems so resistant to the idea...at least she'll get to keep partying on the weekends like she's been doing.

So, it was a not very productive, emotionally charged conversation that we would have been better off not having. I've just been doing so much and picking up all the household slack while W blows off everything that it finally got to me. All that came of it was W confirming that she sees my changes but doesn't believe they'll
stick, they make her angry, and she says she still loves and cares about me, still enjoys spending time with me, but that she's still planning on leaving as soon as I tell her what my plan is.

Felt like a pretty big setback from a DB perspective, but all I can do is learn from it and move on.

Onward and upward as they say.