Barrybran

[Barrybran]

Today was a decent day. Last night, my wife told me she was going out of town today and asked if I could come along to share the driving. It's probably a situation where I should have said no. I haven't been out of town for a while, my wife hasn't asked me to do anything with her and it was a chance to spend a full day with the kids outside the house so I went along.

The drive and day was pretty pleasant. There was a lot of quiet time, a lot of business and I wandered off a couple of times to do look at my own things when I wasn't interested in waiting for my wife. I told a couple of jokes through the day and she responded to one with an awkward, trying-not-to-laugh smirk and another she joined in on. We shared some conversation about the kids and upcoming events and I listened and responded accordingly. The only really awkward part was on the drive away from home when she mentioned about buying car seats for our daughters "so we didn't have to swap cars" rather than because they've outgrown the ones they're in, which is why she started shopping for car seats initially. I didn't respond to the divisiveness of the comment though I did tell my wife that we would need five car seats if we were to do this, three new ones for my car and two for hers to replace the ones my daughters have outgrown. I didn't tell her that I agreed with buying seats for my car. I figure I'd deal with that if and when the situation called for it.

We had some time to ourselves at one point and I apologised to her for assuming that she wouldn't be home yesterday morning. I told her she's never let the kids down and I shouldn't assume she'll start doing it. I reiterated that I need to know if she's going to be around rather than guessing she would be. She didn't respond as one of our kids came running over with a cut toe.

We shared some more pleasant conversation on the way home and that ran into a shared pizza while watching some TV. I left the room when I finished pizza to watch cartoons with the kids and on the way out I asked her to tally up my half of today's and last week's shopping so I can reimburse her. Initially she put the receipts on the bench and a while later, came back and added the figures up herself and presented them to me.

As my kids were going to bed, my son asked a question about a line trimmer my wife bought last week that she said was "a present for us". My son asked who's it was and my wife said it was hers. My son responded by asking "so you have one and Daddy has one?" and my wife said "no". I misinterpreted this as her telling my son that it was hers and not ours and I brought this up to her after the kids went to bed. I've observed my wife calling the master bedroom hers and the spare bedroom mine in front of the kids and I asked her to be more careful about language in front of the kids. She cited that the kids have been calling the main bedroom hers for much of the past 18 months as I've spent considerable time away from home and the kids haven't associated the master bedroom as being mine.

I mentally told myself to STFU and listen and I did just that. I asked a couple of questions to clarify her feelings and when I felt that I understood her, I apologised for challenging her on a misinterpretation. She got pretty steamy with me though there was no yelling. She went to bed straight after our discussion.

I don't know how I feel about this one. I did think there was something there so I brought it up. I feel that I understand her better now than I did prior to the conversation. She seems pretty pissed off at me about it though. I see it as a backward step yet I see it as building a better foundation for moving forward, both in understanding my wife and expressing my thoughts and feelings.

In other news, potential OM popped up again today. My wife made mention of him yesterday while talking to her sister. My wife told SIL that he was at the pub with her and and her friend on Saturday night. I was within earshot and my wife didn't become secretive when talking about him. My son mentioned today he was also at a BBQ yesterday with my wife, my kids and my wife's friend (same one at the pub Saturday) as well as her friends and parents. My wife told me in January that he was just a friend. To the best of my knowledge, my wife has only spent time with this guy in the presence of others (other friends and/or my kids) other than a couple of visits when he was moving house in December/January (when things were really bad between us and she "considered" dating/sleeping with other people and chose not to). She values her integrity highly and I believe her. She'd have to be the world's biggest hypocrite after what I've done to her if she were misleading me and I honestly believe she's being straight up with me. Integrity has been a strong theme in discussions between my wife and I.

I do feel uncomfortable with his presence though as I've never met him, he has met my children and he's spending time with my wife with (her) close friends and family without me. The BBQ is a biggie for me as I wasn't even told about it directly, it was just mentioned around me, while this guy has been invited and attended and his presence was brought up by my son and not my wife. I was at work so there's benefit of the doubt though I don't think he would have been there if I was. I don't know who he is, what his agenda is or what my wife's relationship with him is. I do worry about a potential EA (likely unrealised) although I still believe she is in an IA instead with everything she has told me about me. I know I can't bring anything up about him and even if there was something there, I can't do anything about it other than to look after myself. Right now, I am focused on trying to do things for me without further pissing off my wife.

My individual goal is to work on my PMA, understand what my wife and you guys are saying to me and put it into action and to be happy within my own skin. I do have a wife-related goal being to make it to July and my wife being comfortable enough to continue living here with me.